“It used to bother me, but not that much now”

Being Fat.

Let’s get real, I am a big boy.  I figured at one point in my life I can find someone who would like a big teddy bear to cuddle with and a little extra cushion for the pushing.  But, that’s not how it is.

This is the second time I join a dating site.  This time, the difference is that there is a major class change.  Better quality.  Since I pay for the site, (Not the ass), I wouldn’t expect anything less.  But, I am finding  out that I have the same problem.

I know people see my profile.  I mounted it as truthful as I can but, most likely, the moment they see my picture, they just swipe away.  Little do they know that I am a pleaser.  That I am very talented and would almost spoil the person I am with.

Love to make people laugh, and feel good about themselves.  I mean, I am the whole package.  Living in the projects and everything!  I actually think that living in the PJ’s is my downfall.  I want better.  And soon, I will have.

I am not changing my life for anyone.  I just know that I deserve better.  So, being fat used to bother me a lot.  Now, not so much.  If I can’t love myself first, no one else will be able to love me.

That is all.


Have you ever been in a dark place in your life and see no end is near?  Have you been troubled and confused on why so many obstacles are placed in your way when you seem to have everything in some sort of control?

Well, I have good news for you.  There is light at the end of the tunnel.  2021 is going to be an amazing year.  YOU have to manifest it.  You have to change the things that are keeping you down.  Things like bad habits, negative thoughts and even people that bring you down.  It may sting at first but at the end of the day, it has to be about you and your family because if it’s not about you , there is nothing.

For the young adult circles, yes, it’s cool to smoke and drink and have a good time in this life.  Admittedly, I did what I did at a young age but I have been asked, “Ken, if you could go back in time, knowing what you know now, would you do it the same?”.

My response has always been “YES!”. But change major stuff in my life.  I wish that the young adults that smoke and drink and think that’s going to be all their life, come to an understanding that that shit doesn’t last forever.

That stuff is usually the stuff that fuck you up in your future.  For us older people,  I think we should lead by example for our youth.  We want what’s best for our kids.  For the future generations.  We need to give them motivation to lead an awesome life.  We need to show them that they need to set goals that are not only plausible but necessary to live.

I’m saying all this as my opinion.  I see so many potentially great people in this world.  They seem to be wasting their lives getting high, drunk and just acting stupid.  It’s all a cover.  It’s ignorance. Then they wonder why they are treated differently.  So many beautiful women and good-looking men.  Both smart and charismatic doing things that will make them purely ugly people in the future.

Beauty fades.  Sorry, I went a little long today.  But, my original title today was to let people know that this will end.  That although we will never get back to “Normal”, we will be able to hang out again, go to events and be with family.  As long as you learn from 2021.

That is all.

Okay, so this year’s commitment.

It’s very simple to say that “I will complete my New Year’s resolutions! I promise!”.  Sounds simple enough huh?  Well, I have yet to meet anyone that has accomplished that goal.  In other words, it is easier said than done.

My goal this year, well, not a goal but rather an attitude adjustment, is to be honest when speaking to others regarding my needs and desires.  I expect that some people may get offended.  Some people may be honored or even grateful. At the end of the day I want to “Shoot my shot”.  If I miss the face then I can say I tried.  (Had to do it)

There have been so many opportunities for me to “Ask someone out” or just chill but I WAS always afraid.  Sometimes moreover, intimidated by how the person looks and/or the energy they possess.  I am on Dating sites.  I guess my weight has a factor in responses but whatever.

There were job opportunities that I said no to.  In retrospect, with Covid, I should have taken them.  I was thinking they were either too far or I was just tired.  But in my unnatural self, I said no.  Not anymore.  Again, if I don’t roll the dice, I will never know.

So, if anyone gets to read this, they will know why Ken is acting a little strange this year.  There will be no job I will not take.  Of course, health permitting.  And be prepared.  If I am feeling you, I will ask you out.  Of course, when I find that you are available.  And not by facebook.  LOL

Well, that’s it for now!!!

“There are no Atheists in foxholes”

Every year from 11:45 Pm New Years Eve till 12:15 Am New Years day I am in the shower cleaning off all the residue and shit from the previous year.  As I shower I think back to the negatives and wish them away while “Manifesting” the positive for the new year.

I can “See” it in my mind and I know it will be a great year.  Not just for me but for everybody.  Those that hurt, starved, lost their business, lost their family, to those who even suffered slightly, I tell you, you will be back and better than ever.

There are definite times in everyone’s life when you forget about God.  When you feel like you no longer need him.  Well, I believe that all this happened to remind us all that without “HIM” we wouldn’t be here.  I am now absolutely sure that their have been more prayers in the last 10 months or so than ever in the history of people.

“There are no Atheists in foxholes”

I say this to all…Believe in him and he shall be with you always.  Know that without him, everything can fail.  With him, you have no worries from anything.

I am starting to sound like a preacher.  So, I’ll just end with.  If you are in my life, you mean something to me.  If you’re intentions are bad, they will come to be known.  If you are good to yourself, then all around will follow.

I love some of you, I like all of you.  Be safe.  Be careful. Be healthy.  Be loved.

That is all.


Last Day of 2020

FINALLY!!!!   This most horrible year in my lifetime is over!!!!  I have lost friends and family members.  I have lost income and I thank God that I am not struggling too much to get on going.  Still single and “Lonely”, I still move forward and hope that 2021 will bring me all that I need.  My expectations are high now because they have reached the lowest depths and there is no other way but up.

To those that read this, understand that there is nothing else in the world but life.  That you control your destiny and only positive energies will be your guiding force.  God has your full support.  He will take you where you need to go, you just have to love.  Anyway, my new word for 2021 is “Manifest”.  It will guide me through 2021 and we will all be better people for having gone thru so much in 2020.

May all be blessed with love, joy and happiness for 2021.  May those that lost love ones be in peace knowing that those that passed are in God’s hands and love.

Thank You Lord Father for every breath that I take.

That is all.


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